we made out on top of his cat.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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