I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
