So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
