yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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