all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
