You were right. It hurts to walk today.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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