1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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