At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
