We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
