why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
