you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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