he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
