There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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