If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
