I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
