First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
