john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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