you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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