In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Every concussion has its silver lining
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
