You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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