Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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