I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
