he thought i was a dude.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
