my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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