she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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