im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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