He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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