Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
