I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
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Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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