you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
