yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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