His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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