Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
