do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
