I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
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He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
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Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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