your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
