Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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