Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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