You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
How's work?
Spinning.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
