How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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