I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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