The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
