oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
