you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She bit a glass in half.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
