I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
