By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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