I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Sext me about skeletons
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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