Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
