guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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