I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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