I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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