Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
