I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
