i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
