"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
