Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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