one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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