hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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