all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
